Awaiting the arrival of our little one has been met with so many different emotions over the past few months, pregnancy after loss is a tough journey but one I knew I needed to take, to be a mother and to nurture my growing children is rooted at my very core. I’m so grateful to have transitioned from what was a very anxious beginning, to one that has seen my heart blossom with excitement and sweet anticipation of what’s to come for us as our little family expands. Each and every day I feel blessed and I have found myself embracing the present, allowing a slower pace in which to enjoy each moment for what it is. Growing a human is an awesome thing, scary, but awesome and I am hugely thankful for this experience.
My faith has helped me immensely this time around, I have learnt to pass my worries to God and accept that this is all part of His plan whatever that might be, my prayers have been answered and where the fear of loss took hold of my every thought, I have found a way to let joy fill me right up. After all, happiness is found in the present moment, right? It’s in the here and now, it’s feeling each little kick and sweet movement and it’s seeing my tummy stretch out before me, hoping and praying that soon my arms will be as full as my heart.
I have also found myself relishing in the sweet days that I get to spend with Arthur, just the two of us doing as we please, close and content without wanting to rush this time away, I know this is a really special time for me as a mother before bringing a new life into the world. In my quiet moments, I reflect on how poignant this season of motherhood is, especially when I feel the weight of my toddler nestled in my arms whilst he takes his afternoon nap. His breath hot on the nape of my neck reminds me of just how far we have come. Out of our darkness, he brought a light and life richer than I could have ever anticipated, in recent weeks I’ve seen the roots of empathy begin to emerge in his play, and I know he is going to make such a good big brother.
And so we wait and see. And we hope and pray for our little rainbow.