Forever in our Hearts

On New Years Eve my husband and I raised our glasses to a new and exciting year ahead, acknowledging that we had been truly blessed as we awaited the arrival of our identical twin boys. We were so excited and couldn’t wait to hold them in our arms. Little did we know that the kicks and gentle movements we felt that evening were to be the last the boys made.

Devastatingly on New Years Day we found out that we had lost our babies, the midwife could not find their little heartbeats. As we watched the motionless screen it was the most heart wrenching moments of our lives. How is any expectant parent supposed to move forward having faced the most awful news imaginable?

Although the heartache of loosing our precious boys will never leaves us, what followed was the most beautiful experience of our lives. At 12:29 on Thursday 2nd January, after 11 hours of labour, Henry was born quietly into the world shortly followed by his little brother Benjamin. They were completely perfect, my love for them was unconditional. 

We got to spend three quiet days with Henry and Benjamin at the hospital, I will never forget their sleeping faces and holding on to their tiny hands as I made the most of the precious time we had together as a little family. 

There is no easy way to move on from this, grief will always be apart of our lives, we are parents without our boys, a huge gap that will never be filled. But no matter how painful our loss has been it remains the most beautiful of our experiences together. Henry and Benjamin were perfect and captured our hearts forever.

25 thoughts on “Forever in our Hearts

  1. The Eclectic Mum

    Can hardly speak to write anything worthy and at the same time feel pathetic for feeling so sad while you show such spirit. I'm so happy you were blessed to have the boys in your life. May they light the night skies xxxxx

  2. Martj

    Dear Laura,
    I can not say with words how sorry I am for you and your husband. I can only imagine how devastating it can be to lose a child. Your twin boys will always be in your hearts. And you're stronger as a couple. I hug you.

  3. Lindsay Rotheram

    Being VERY new to instagram I took a shine to your account and was floored by your recent news. I don't know you, you don't know me, but from human to human I wish you love, strength and future blessings. I'm betting there are two special cherubs up on high wishing you even more.

  4. Jen Kershner

    I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss and feel so inspired by your beautiful heart which I know is fuller for having known your beautiful boys. I am wishing for peace and healing for you and your family.

  5. ❤Coco Rose❤

    Oh Laura, such sad news to hear my lovely. It's impossible to find any words of comfort for you and what you and your husband have been though, but your boys will be always be a big part of you both and will stay forever in your hearts. It always seems so harsh that the clock carries on moving when you just want to stop it for a bit. But 'gradual' and 'slow' are the words on top of the list. Do what you want to do and in your own time. There are no rules, just go with how you feel.

    I'm wishing you much love Laura, and hope that with such heartbreak, there will be gentle healing for you both this year.

    Take care

    Vanessa xxx

  6. Laura Goble

    Hello, How are you?
    It is so good to hear from you. Thank you so much for your kind words. Time is a very strange concept right now, the day we met Henry and Benjamin feels a life time ago now, but at the same time just a moment ago… (that doesn't make an awful lot of sense does it) we feel truly blessed to have had the boys they were beautiful.

    love me xxx

  7. Vikki Jones

    Laura, I am so heartbroken for you and your lovely family. I have just got internet access after a month without and looked to see how you were getting on. So completely devastated for you reading these posts lovely. I cannot begin to imagine what you have been and are going through. Thinking of you and sending you, your family and your beautiful angels all my love xxxxxx

  8. Laurie

    I just read this. So sorry for your loss. Recently a coworker also suffered this type of loss. I had never heard the term “born sleeping” but that is exactly the way to to honor all in this situation.

    Thank you for your honest and openness.

  9. Karen

    Dearest Laura ,
    I am newish to Instagram and have just read your blog about your darling baby boys. My first son, Thomas, was born sleeping 29 years ago. It is something no parent should ever have to go through and something no one unless they have been there really understands.
    Our children are our future and without them that future changes. You are incredibly brave to share your story. Henry and Benjamin will always be part of your life, I always talk about my son and will never forget him even after nearly 30 years. I went on to have another son who is now 20 and studying at university but I can’t help wondering what his brother would have grown up to be, as I’m sure you will with Arthur and your new baby.
    Sending love and thinking of you. Karen xxx


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