Category Archives: Babyloss

Waiting for a rainbow

Awaiting the arrival of our little one has been met with so many different emotions over the past few months, pregnancy after loss is a tough journey but one I knew I needed to take, to be a mother and to nurture my growing children is rooted at my very core. I’m so grateful to have transitioned from what was a very anxious beginning, to one that has seen my heart blossom with excitement and sweet anticipation of what’s to come for us as our little family expands. Each and every day I feel blessed and I have found myself embracing the present, allowing a slower pace in which to enjoy each moment for what it is. Growing a human is an awesome thing, scary, but awesome and I am hugely thankful for this experience. 

My faith has helped me immensely this time around, I have learnt to pass my worries to God and accept that this is all part of His plan whatever that might be, my prayers have been answered and where the fear of loss took hold of my every thought, I have found a way to let joy fill me right up. After all, happiness is found in the present moment, right? It’s in the here and now, it’s feeling each little kick and sweet movement and it’s seeing my tummy stretch out before me, hoping and praying that soon my arms will be as full as my heart.

I have also found myself relishing in the sweet days that I get to spend with Arthur, just the two of us doing as we please, close and content without wanting to rush this time away, I know this is a really special time for me as a mother before bringing a new life into the world. In my quiet moments, I reflect on how poignant this season of motherhood is, especially when I feel the weight of my toddler nestled in my arms whilst he takes his afternoon nap. His breath hot on the nape of my neck reminds me of just how far we have come. Out of our darkness, he brought a light and life richer than I could have ever anticipated, in recent weeks I’ve seen the roots of empathy begin to emerge in his play, and I know he is going to make such a good big brother.

And so we wait and see. And we hope and pray for our little rainbow.

#StylingTheSeasons ~ January

Hello, hope you have all had a good start to the year. It feels great to start a fresh new year, so many prospects and possibilities await, many of them unknown to us right now. Have you made plans or set any goals for the year ahead? I never tend to make resolutions, mainly because I never stick to them. However, I have decided to set myself some self-motivational goals… 1. To rebuild my self-confidence. 2. To worry less (easier said than done during a moment of uncertainty) and 3. To embrace the unknown (tricky if you love a good plan)

“The quickest way to acquire self-confidence is to do exactly what you are afraid to do”

Last year was all about learning to live with my grief (if you’re new to my blog you can read my story here) I was afraid of the thought of living in darkness, I felt so uncomfortable with myself, I was devastated and I hated that my hopes and dreams had disappeared along with my dear boys.

Although I will always live with my grief, I have come to realise that its ok for it to be apart of who I am, its not all consuming all of the time and it’s not something I wish to put in a box and forget about either. It is a part of the new me, time has soften the sharp edges and I am comfortable to live with it by my side. 

Building on self-confidence starts with the belief that you can achieve what you set out to achieve. It’s about taking tiny little steps in the right direction and not being afraid to take a couple of steps back from time to time if you need to. Reflection is a great way of tracking progress, stoping and taking a moment to consider just how far you have come puts everything into perspective and in turn it can motivate you to continue to move forward. 

What I love about the beginning of a new year is the fresh start it offers us. Noticing the shift in the season last year really helped me step out of the darkness. It may sound silly, but seeing the cold ground benieth my feet wake up and signs of new life begin to push through filled me with a sense of positivity, it seemed like such a great metaphore for growing with grief. 

Styling The Seasons

I have recently discovered some really inspirational bloggers, Katy and Charlotte who post a monthly feature on their blogs called Styling The Seasons, an idea that challenges us to be mindfull of the changing season from month to month and how it can be reflected within our homes. It’s a great excuse to shuffle furniture around and play “stylist” with our favorite things. But also, it’s a really great way of taking a moment within our busy lives to think about how we feel and how our surroundings can reflect positivity.

I have decided to take part this year. Here is my #stylingtheseasons for January.

The space I have decided to style this month is a teeny tiny shelf in my craft room. Amongst the books and the craft materials I have cleared a little space to inject a little freshness to welcome in the new year in a way that seems perfectly fitting for my personal journey of growth. I treated myself to the hyacinth from my local florist this weekend and I’m looking forward to seeing it blossom in the coming weeks, I’m excited to see what colour it turns out. 

Whilst I leapt into the start of this new year with a new mindset and the drive to continue to move forward, I am still clinging onto last years memories and with that in mind I thought it was a nice to keep a few of my favourite decorations out to represent this idea, but also because I absolutely love them and thats what making home is all about isn’t it, surrounding ourselves with things we love.
Happy New Year everyone, may all your goals be achieved. Don’t forget to stop along the way and consider just how far you have come. 

Love Laura xxx

P.s if you fancy taking part in #stylingtheseasons pop over here and here to read Katy and Charlottes posts. 

Little Mended Santa

The festivities are in full swing here now after a slightly hesitant start. I had been anticipating this month for a while, unsure how I was going to feel since loosing Henry and Benjamin almost a year ago. This Christmas was meant to be very different, it was meant to be filled with the sweet sound of two baby brothers experiencing Christmas for the first time. Instead there is a silents that lingers so loud. 

I have found the build up to the festive season quite difficult, wanting so desperately to embrace it like I have done with every single other day of this year, but it was difficult at first to really place myself amongst the cheer and it was difficult to really accept that, despite the sadness I will carry with me for a life time, I actually really love Christmas. You see, when I think about what it is I am struggling with it isn’t the festive atmosphere, time spent with family, the glitter or the sparkle. It is the real meaning of a Christmas I am finding hard to face, my faith which has been so strong for most of the year has faded, it’s broken and it’s too hard to comprehend at the moment.

We got the Christmas box down from the loft a little while ago but it was left un opened. When I eventually felt ready I was surprised at what I found and how I felt… A flood of memories came rushing back to me of this time last year… There wrapped up carefully was one of my favorite decorations – a broken Santa who had been mendded and restored ready to be used again. 

This time last year I was heavily pregnant with twins, I couldn’t quite get close enough to the tree to hang the decorations without my round tummy getting prickled by the branches… I dropped poor Santa and he smashed into pieces. Feeling quite emotional that he lay there broken, I decided save him and glue him back together… Here he is, as perfect as he alway was. This little decoration has a story to tell, he survived, reminding me too, that I have my story – one of sadness, I was broken into pieces, but non the less I’m here, just like little Santa is here.

I guess in time I will regain my faith, but, for now owe it to myself to just alow the ebb and the flow of this journey to take me where my heart desires whether it is to the happiness and joy of spending time with my family, or allowing myself to be quiet and reflect. It’s not easy, but like everything else I have learnt this year time really does help. I feel happier now that I’ve worked through some of my anxieties and I feel comfortable to alow myself to enjoy the build up to Christmas. 

This week I will be sharing one of my festive recipes over on Jodie Mays blog and I have some pictures to share of the wreath I made this weekend with my sister and her friend.  


I survived

The shear beauty of the sunrise lasts only moments. As the dark of night makes way for the light of day, I am reminded that no matter how dark a place may be the sun will always rise again and again and again. 

This week has been a huge deal, I started back at work and I survived.